mel_chlor

"...Lisa, a 13-year old girl, described frequent fights with her boyfriend in which he called her names. She labeled him "Violent," giving an example from an incident just the day before -"i mean, yesteryday he threw, he tried to trhow a table at my friend because she was talking about me and we broke up" -and detailed how he yelled at her when they fight: "he calls me like, like, he says it so like, he says it like he means it, like, 'Oh you're such a whore. You slut. You skank. Oh you're such a fucking bitch.'" After relaying these experiences, she qualified her reports by explaining that he is not "real violent." She also reported his insistence on knowing her whereabouts at all times and his expectation that she be at home when not with him. Lisa's vacillation between viewing her boyfriend's behaviors as violent was physical or verbal. His violence seems to be expected and was not itself problematic; it was when he went out of bounds of the "normal" range of expected aggression and domination that Lisa had a negative reaction. Lisa has already learned that she should be able to identify abusive men and "choose" normal men (Philips, 2000) and is having to hold the opposing realities that she is not supposed to tolerate mistreatment from boys and men while at the same time know and accept that "boys will be boys."

when i get tired i get grumpy and easily irritated. i get emotional. pmsing makes this a lot worse. so i tend to take jokes and things that id usually find funny a little too personally. i feel bullied. stressed. and yea i take it out on ppl i care abt. im sorry. i have issues . i need to just leave and go sleep when im gettin tired and shouldnt be around ppl lol. but eh, i dont like being alone and i just do love my friends that much to not want to leave them even when im tired. and crabby. lol really, im sorry. im a bitch, i realize. im workin on it.

people don't take me seriously

Four Things About Me

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Teachers Aide at a summer school for handicapped kids (love and miss them)
2. Office Aide at the school of public health
3. Baskin Robbins (i ate a lot of ice cream durin the 6 months i was there)
4. aaaand thats all folks

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. MY SASSY GIRL
2. Amelie
3. Ferris Buehlers Day Off
4. Spirited Away

C) Four places I have lived:
1. currently Darien
2. Willowbrook (like 5 blocks away)
3. Darien again (across the street from current house)
4. aaand thats about it

D) Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. America's Next Top Model
2. Next
3. Real World/Road Rules Challenge...whatever its called, i love Derek
4. cartoons...Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends ^.^ im a dork

E) Four places I have been on vacation
1. (I heart) Thailand
2. road trip through Wyoming, Idaho, and surrounding states
3. Arizona/Grand Canyon (awesome!!)
4. Niagara Falls

F) Websites I visit often
1. Facebook and Livejournal
2. PeoplePC's homepage for horoscopes
3. checking my 3 email addresses
4. and checking my bank account which is slowly but gradually dwindling

G) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Thai food (anything)
2. Chinese food (shrimp with lobster sauce)
3. Italian food (pesto)
4. Lay's Classic Potato Chips...and ice cream...and everything, i love food

H) Four places I would like to be right now:
1. Thailand
2. downtown
3. Hawaii
4. anywhere in the world

I) Four friends I think will respond:
1. what.....
2. .....
3. .....
4. ....ever i only have 4 LJ friends lol...or 3?

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yaaay fun day at six flags yesterday!! i think im pmsing tho cuz i was freaking out before goin on the raging bull...i had never gone on that one before and i was scared out of my mind...someone died on that ride!!! given, she was chewing gum and choked, but still, thats freakin scary man! but i got over it and rode the damn thing 3 times...and thats enough rides for me for the whole day lol. but of course we rode other ones too. awesome time awesome time ^.^

so yesterday my mom threw a fit about how me and my sisters don't listen to her. she said something she never has talked about before...she said that the reason we dont listen to her because she never listened to her mom, and its coming back at her. she's never really talked about her mom since she passed away. my moms the type to kinda hide things from people (like me i guess) so it was a real shock when she mentioned that. she also said that when we have kids they wont listen to us...its an endless cycle.

is it really though? what goes around comes around...like father like son (or like mother like daughter in this case), is it a cycle that can't be reversed or changed? id like to hope it can be. when i have kids i plan on doing things differently if i can.

i had more to write about last night, but its early...^.^

You may be feeling anxious to get up and get moving today, dear Aquarius, however everyone else may seem to be lagging behind. Your impatience might drive yourself and everyone else around you crazy. Slow down and take a deep breath. Don't feel like you need to stick to the itinerary today. Play things by ear and let your fanciful nature have a greater say in how you run your show today.

what a true to life horoscope...i was very impatient and upset today with things, but instead of sitting around and moping, i just got up and got moving. and, surprisingly, today turned out to be one of the best days of the summer so far. i went to taste of chicago and watched superman with some friends...i got a nice sunburn/tan from playin frisbee in the amphitheater of millenium park, while classical music was playin in the background (i didnt know i burn?) i advertised a big honkin turkey leg for a stand at taste, cuz it was HUGE esp for lil ole me, ppl kept lookin at me with wide eyes, lol, hilarious. superman was good/funnier than it should be cuz my silly roomie was bored. (awesome shirt)

so, good day overall id say. just...word of advice, always have low expectations =/

Yes, it is your turn, dear Aquarius, so step up to the plate and take the initiative. Don't waste your time anymore waiting for someone else to take the lead. If you don't like the way things are going in a current situation, stand up and demand change. You have a refreshing new outlook on things that is healing, and in some ways very revolutionary. Validate this point of view and promote it to the people around you.

~managing my time better~ ^.^ though everyone else isnt....i still dont have enough time to see everyone =( <

so my hell month of summer has begun...i started work with LADSE (LaGrange Area Department of Special Education) at the summer school with my kids, and starting this Monday (and then every Wednesday and Thursday) I have Certified Nursing Assistant class from 5:30-10:30pm, and then Sundays I have clinicals in a nursing home from 7am-3pm. oh wat fun...

Although its tiring, i love working with the kids. Theyre not the kids I wanted to work with last year, but they are still extremely cute. I fell in love with them the first day they came in to class. I have a one-on-one student, named Lydia, shes about 5 (they all range from 4-6) and she is the lowest one in the class, meaning she needs to be looked after all the time. Im not sure what she has, i think she may be autistic. But she doesnt speak, she doesnt listen, doesnt look u in the eyes when ur talking to her. to get her to do wat she has to do in class i have to use little pictures to make her understand. she throws tantrums when she cant do/cant get wat she wants. she has to turn her whole torso to look around because her C1 and C2 vertabrae are fused. but i love her. when shes happy u can tell because she makes little noises, like popping noises or babbling noises...its too cute. ive taken it up because i spend so much time with her, weird huh? she likes when i pick her up so that her feet dangle, and when i spin her around. shell grab my hands and put them around her waist meaning she wants to be picked up. i must say i am getting quite a workout picking up thes kids...=)

another kid i love is this adopted Russian boy, Ruslan. hes got the prettiest light brown skin, and big big brown eyes, like a puppy, curly hair, and these curled little ears (a sign of Down's syndrome?). he always looks at me from across the room and flashes a big smile. during recess he'll run outside the boundaries of the playground, look at me and stick out his tongue, and then run around knowing im gonna go get him and pick him up and put him back in the playground area. lol, such a menace, but too cute.

all the kids are adorable in their own way...Joey is 5 but hes the size of a baby, with he chubbiest cheeks and bluest eyes...Grant is always running around and falling but hes tough, he gets back up...Gerardo cries a lot but is so sweet to hold when ur trying to calm him down,and he smells good...Casey likes to talk a lot and hes probably the smartest of the group...and Kenny cant walk, somethings wrong with his legs, but hes always smiling and waving to say hi =) u learn a lot working with kids like these. despite whats "wrong" with them, theyre the happiest they can be, for the most part.

and then yea, my CNA course will be interesting..more on that later =P oohhh man lol. im taking it with Josh, so classes will be fun. but im worried about clinicals. yea, i dont know what to expect...more on that later haha

im going to be sooo freakin busy...so plan things with me wisely ppl!! i miss EVERYONE

esp my brown boy ^.^
i live/loke u jacobaby

awww cute morbidly obese asian bunny rabbit


i stole that bunny from snuffle-luf-agus...she had it on her livejournal and i had to find a pic of him...mashimoro, an anime bunny...so cute!!
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life works in funny ways

but boy am i glad it does... ^.^
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quixotic...thats a fun word haha (its a happy word right?)

people, tell me, am i emo??
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today i went to my sister Tiffany's graduation from 8th grade at Eisenhower jr high, which is the Jr. high i went to about 5 years ago...FIVE YEARS!!! im so freakin old...(not as old as some ppl wink wink)...and things sure have gone by fast. its so scary to think that pretty soon ill be graduatin from UIC...how crazy is that?

so now i feel motivated to do things that need to be done, get good grades, work my ass off, things like that. cuz every minute really does matter. every step u take towards ur future helps. i hope this determination doesnt wear off by the start of the actual school year. my summer job and summer school might kill it before then lol.

im reminded of a quote i read on a micheal crichton book (author of jurrasic park, i think) in which he wrote about time travel. (yea yea im a nerd) basically the theory was that there is really no such thing as time. its not time that goes by, its us. we think time passes because thats how we were taught to think about it, but really its us that pass, we grow older and change, time is irrelevant. i dont know if im explaining it right but it makes sense to me...

another thing...i think i figured out the answer to an earlier post of mine. i kinda knew the answer already but its helped me figure out why certain people have come into my life. at my sisters graduation, they sang "for good" which is a song in the musical "Wicked", abt the wicked witch of the west for those of u who dont know. the song (some lyrics posted below) basically talks about how someone who used to be in your life is there for a reason, because they have an impact on u, and change u by teaching you things.

something ive learned? ive learned wat things i want in a person, whether it be a friend or a boyfriend...ive learned wat i dont want. i learned how to take care of myself because there wont always be someone there for u when u need them the most...i learned who i can depend on if nething. i learned that there is always more to someone than wat u see...i learned that you dont always want to see more than you should see. ive learned that wat doesnt kill you really does make you stronger...ive learned that someone who hurt u can actually make u a better person (same idea). ive learned that past experiences are there to help you improve future ones...u learn from ur mistakes and grow from them.

the only problem i have is that i have regrets...either about things ive done or things i didnt do but should have. some are minor details that dont matter (i should have worn that shirt instead of that one) and some are a little more important (should have done better in school, in life)...

no more regrets...

i thank EVERYONE ive ever known for making me who i am today...

"For Good"
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

cool...so this is my first livejournal entry. the reason i wanted to start one is basically so i can rant and rave about things all i want. i really dont care if anyone ever reads these or not.
well, something ive wanted to write about is how i think ive changed in the last couple months. i don't really want to say what has changed me just yet, but ive learned a lot from that experience. i learned what i want and how i can achieve that. ive learned that people are in your life for a reason; to teach you something, either about yourself, or life, or other people. ive learned that life sucks...but it goes on. ive learned that the simple things in life are what matter, that certain things shouldnt be hard to get, that money does make the world go round (unfortunately for those of us without much of it), that you shouldnt care or worry over some things, and that happiness comes in the most unexpected ways...iono. its late. theres more to it, more to me, more to everything. but im tired.